From the engagement ring to the wedding dress to the vows to be together ’til death do us part,’ every individual deciding to wed their other half is under the impression that this union will be permanent.
Even if they were convinced that they wanted to be married, many couples ended up getting divorced and then trying to figure out why their marriage didn’t work out or why it was simply a transitory connection. “Was this marriage doomed from the very beginning?” Or was it anything I said or did that drove a wedge between us?’ If questions like these keep you up at night, you and your partner may be headed for divorce. We have compiled a set of indicators to assist you in making a choice.
It is correct, however, that these factors do not always indicate an impending divorce. In addition, the absence of any symptoms on this list is not always sufficient evidence that the marriage will be trouble-free. It is only a question of being aware of the factors that may put your connection, which you place such a high value on, in jeopardy and doing all in your power to avert an impending catastrophe.
I want to draw your attention to 11 characteristics of connections that have been destroyed.
It’s possible that members of the family struggle with addiction.
No matter the type of addiction being discussed — whether it be alcohol, drugs, gambling, or working too hard — compulsive behaviors are one of the most significant threats to a marital relationship. Substances are “friends” who are highly possessive of what they have, and while at first, they may appear to be pleasurable, they end up consuming enormous quantities of time and space in your life, leaving little place for your family.
It is usually simpler to prevent addiction than to treat one. Therefore the ideal method is to keep a healthy lifestyle and become engaged in all of your interests reasonably. Seek quick support from a mental health professional if you or a family member is abusing substances.
An investigation into the relationship between excessive drinking and problems within a marriage, which was recently published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, concluded that matched drinking habits are just as essential as excessive drinking itself.
Couples in which one member has a history of abstinence or drinking in moderation and the other member has a history of heavy drinking or not drinking at all are more likely to divorce than couples whose drinking habits are comparable in terms of the amount of alcohol consumed.
However, regardless of whether or not they are on equal footing, a relationship between two people who drink excessively and live together is likely to end in divorce. Because of this, you should urge both partners to maintain a log of the amount of alcohol they consume, whether zero or a significant amount. The health of your marriage will improve either way.
Cheating consistently is a poor choice.
In many marriages, one or both parties have cheated on their oaths at some point throughout the relationship. They may have done so due to strong feelings, the effects of drink or drugs, or to relax.
Have you picked up on any of the clues that point to the possibility that your husband wants a divorce? Please find out more by reading the article that we have provided.
Several factors can contribute to such an event; however, the most significant factor is the conclusions that an individual draws about the activities they have taken. For example, if, after experiencing one of these occurrences, one partner makes a solemn oath that they will never do it again and promises their partner that they will do everything in their power to make the marriage happier, but then goes back on their word, there is a good chance that they will continue to behave in the same manner in the future.
If adultery and broken promises are a pattern in a marriage, the relationship is bound to fail.
It’s not a good idea to maintain in touch with an ex-lover as a friend. You are just deceiving yourself if you believe that things may return to “normal” if you continue to keep them near to you for the next time you need them (possibly unintentionally), even though you are hurting your spouse in the process.
Both adultery (with the apparent exception of open relationships in which you and your partner both participate) and addiction are always indications that something is lacking in the marriage. The exception to this rule is when both partners participate in an open relationship.
Despite this, quite a few indicators point to a terrible conclusion. Let’s have a look at a few of them, shall we?
You have a million and one reasons to avoid spending time with your partner.
No question that having personal space and spending some time apart from one’s spouse contributes to the health and happiness of any marriage. However, because partners typically pursue various interests, it is only regular that they occasionally spend time apart.
Psychologists specializing in the study of families advise clients to use this approach so that their partners do not become bored with one another. Instead, spending time alone allows you to recharge your batteries and will enable you to grow into a more intriguing person overall.
Things go wrong in a relationship because the partners don’t have much in common or don’t have the same interests in the same things. Your marriage will be in jeopardy if you are always looking for ways to get out of spending time with your partner.
Even if you don’t make it out to visit them, some plans with friends, additional work, or hobbies need you to devote all of your nights and weekends to them. This list could go on and on, but the main point is that there are problems in your marriage if your significant other is someone who makes you want to avoid spending as much time with them as possible.
Spending high-quality time with one another is essential to the happiness of a relationship.
Examine the reasons behind your desire to steer clear of these things and concentrate on fixing this issue. Spending time with others is essential because it helps individuals communicate their ideas and feelings, deal with their problems, and find solutions to anything hurting them. One of the most common reasons why people get divorced is that they avoid their partners, which denies them the opportunity to have productive conversations with one another. In most cases, a lack of communication makes communicating more challenging, resulting in problems that are not resolved.
You will have to face up to the facts of your relationship, which is unfortunate. However, if the two of you have already entertained the idea of going your ways, now is the moment to start talking about it.
You have a sense of isolation.
When there is a breakdown in communication between partners, a sense of distance develops. When one partner withdraws emotionally and finds reasons not to spend as much time with the other as they used to, the other person is sure to experience feelings of isolation and abandonment. Typically, the consequences of this kind of behavior are a never-ending cycle of alienation and avoidance. Don’t just put up with it; have a conversation with your spouse if you consistently feel lonely or if it appears they’re trying to spend less time with you or ignoring you in another way. It’s possible that there was some misunderstanding.
It’s possible that your spouse is distracted by an external circumstance, and as a result, they cannot offer you the support you require. But, on the other hand, you choose not to speak about the feelings of alienation you are experiencing, and neither you nor your spouse mentions that either of you would need some help. What if they are uncomfortable talking about a specific topic, and as a result, they feel lonely? A frank discussion could be the key to finding a solution. Are you going to divorce, but will you continue to live together? Act as though you were a business partner to make the divorce more logical.
On the other hand, if your partner does not respond to your attempts at communication, this may indicate that they are psychologically breaking up with you. We can probably guess what the next phase of the relationship will be.
Think about how much better life would be if you didn’t have to put up with your spouse any longer and how much more enjoyable it would be.
If you have already completed the process of mentally divorcing your spouse, you may discover that you frequently fantasize about living alone or with someone else. It is common for a married individual to periodically ponder the question “what if…?” You should talk to a counselor about your marriage if you frequently fantasize about this scenario and think that your life would be much more fulfilling if you were separated from your partner.
Unhitched is a book written by Sunny Joy McMillan, who claims that if your body reacts negatively to the presence of your partner (for example, if your stomach is in knots and your heart feels like it’s being weighed down by stone-like frustration), this is a clear indication that you should end the relationship. If you find that you have a better time living your life (and that you are more relaxed) while your partner is not with you, you might want to evaluate the nature of your connection with them.
Some people take baby steps toward a life without a partner without realizing that these movements should be seen as troubling signals of substantial relationship problems. Examples of backup measures include looking for a new job to boost one’s financial stability, looking at apartments to rent only to see the pricing, and creating a separate bank account. All of these things may be done simultaneously. It is nice to have a backup plan because life may be unpredictable; but, a healthy marriage demands either trust and going all-in or refraining altogether. Having a backup plan is wonderful. Your option! Family issues are still another red flag that something is wrong with your financial planning, which brings us to the following point.
These days, having money may either be a burden or a source of shame.
In the study titled “Reasons for Divorce and Recollections of Premarital Intervention: Implications for Improving Relationship Education,” it was found that financial issues were the cause of 36.7% of divorces. It is never an easy subject to broach, yet it is the root of many of the problems that arise in relationships. Even if you are a firm believer in the proposition that love is all that matters, it is possible that you may disagree with the assertion that financial stability is an essential component of healthy family relationships. It should come as no surprise that healthy romantic sentiments are essential to every relationship. Even if you have strong love feelings for someone, you still have responsibilities such as eating, living someplace, and taking care of your children.
When it comes to money, many married couples make decisions without consulting their partner, keep their partner in the dark about their obligations, or live under a perpetual cloud of anxiety about their situation. If the topic of money starts to become a contentious issue in your household — for instance, if you are unable to pay your rent but you keep finding new goods at home and you have no idea where they came from — then it is time to have a serious conversation about it.
In addition to being a problem in and of itself, money may also be a problem in terms of how your partner feels about it or how you treat it as a problem. Some people are referred to as “big spenders” because they are very irresponsible with their financial matters, have the propensity to fritter away money on their immediate desires, and do not engage in any type of long-term financial planning. Spending an inordinate amount of time and effort on trying to save money may be harmful to a relationship, particularly in cases when one spouse is a saver and the other is a spender. Saver partners will always want to have some spare cash in their bank account in case of an emergency, and money problems will likely occur frequently if the two partners are of opposite personalities. Saver partners will always want to have some spare cash in their bank account in case of an emergency.
In the event that you and your spouse find themselves in a difficult financial situation, you should be ready to compromise and come up with a solution that is satisfactory for both of you. Having sexual encounters is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for most people.
People get married because they want to have a stable sexual life, and regardless of how long the two of you have been together, there should always be a place for passion in the relationship that the two of you have. It is a well-known fact that the difficulties of day-to-day living, as well as “growing bored” with one another, can have a detrimental impact on one’s desire to have sexual encounters. Something is not right if you have been in a relationship with someone for a long time in the bedroom yet you are still not fulfilled. According to divorce attorney Randall Kessler, many divorcing couples haven’t had sex in years, and troubles in the bedroom often contribute to his clients separating and eventually divorcing one other.
According to Psychology Today, a big amount of the reason for the high divorce rate is a lack of closeness in the relationship. Even if you don’t want to have sexual activity with your partner, he or she is not obligated to do so. Each partner has their own sexual expectation. You are free to create a sexual routine and choose the sexual behaviors that appeal to you the most.
There is a possibility that there is a disparity between the sex needs of different couples, as well as between what constitutes an adequate amount and an inadequate amount. Your sexual appetite may change for perfectly natural causes (such as pregnancy or illness), but these shifts are typically only transitory and should not be a source of contention between partners. If you’ve seen a decline in your sexual life and you’re not delighted about it, it’s time to take action. This is a symptom that your marriage is on the point of dissolving, and you need to take action now. You are the one who needs to put a stop to it.
Additionally vital to the upkeep of a good relationship is the exchange of physical contact. A lack of physical touch, in addition to sexual activity, is a warning indication that something could be wrong with your marriage. Hugs, kisses, and another physical contact like this assist strengthen the bonds between couples and stimulate the production of hormones and neurotransmitters that are associated with affection and attachment.
If you find that you no longer want to hold your partner’s hand or that the thought of kissing them repulses you, think about what could be creating this aversion and make an effort to repair it before it’s too late.
Your relationship lacks any semblance of respect or contempt for one another.
In spite of what John Lennon once stated, researchers in the fields of psychology and family counseling continue to demonstrate that this is just part of the picture. There are a great many other elements that are essential in order to develop a marriage, and one of the most crucial of them is respect. Both spouses need to feel protected and appreciated in order for the family unit as a whole to be considered healthy. It is impossible for a family to remain healthy when there is rejection or, what is much worse, disdain.
Elayne Savage, Ph.D., author of “Breathing Room: Creating Space to Be a Couple,” asserts that disrespectful attitudes are detrimental to marriage and destroy the institution’s roots. Everyone in a marriage needs to have a sense of security and composure. If you show your spouse disdain, you are communicating on the most fundamental level that you feel superior to them and disgusted by them. This can only lead to rage, frustration, and pain, which will ultimately destroy love and intimacy in the relationship.
Fighting and defending one another becomes the relationship’s defining characteristics, and a lack of respect only serves to exacerbate the problem. If you find that you are always bickering with one another, this may be the issue.
Either you quarrel constantly or you don’t argue at all. There is no in-between.
There are two schools of thought about how to approach disagreement in a romantic partnership: While there are many who feel that arguments are harmful and need to be avoided at all costs, there are others who are of the opinion that a healthy disagreement may really help to improve a relationship. Both points of view are valid, but only to a certain degree.
According to the findings of psychologists, it is unrealistic to assume that two autonomous persons will agree on everything. Fights are an inevitable part of any romantic partnership, and it’s only natural that your partner may occasionally engage in behaviors with which you disagree or take exception. In this kind of relationship, the smallest disagreement may quickly escalate into a full-scale war, and nobody wants to spend their life in the midst of constant conflict. It’s time to think back on the reasons you married your partner if you find yourself in a continual state of conflict with them and dislike everything about them. You may compile a list of the qualities that appeal to you most about them.
The quality of the arguments you have with one another is just as important as the quantity you have with one another when determining the health of your relationship. When communicating with your partner, using caustic language and harsh phrases, as well as forming an unfavorable opinion of their character, can lead to an ongoing argument that ultimately causes further problems.
It is a mistake to believe that in order to maintain a relationship, one must steer clear of all potential sources of tension. In this situation, maintaining peace would entail being silent and suppressing whatever bad feelings you might have. On the other hand, this will lead to feelings of bitterness and wrath, as well as separation from your partner, which will lead to feelings of isolation and resentment.
Douglas Kepanis, a divorce attorney, believes that his client’s inability to speak their minds led to the end of their marriages. It is not clear if his customers were angry but too ashamed to talk about it or whether they did not want to disturb their relationships by discussing uncomfortable things. In that case, what recommendations may I make concerning arguments? Moderation is the key to success in all you undertake. You shouldn’t try to keep anything that upsets you a secret from your spouse, but at the same time, you shouldn’t be overly critical of them either.
It is not a good idea to bombard your mate with unfavorable thoughts and feelings. If you want to make some changes, you’ll need to be patient and take care of things one at a time. A tidal wave of overpowering negative feelings will only make your spouse feel distant and detached from the relationship.
Discussing your sentiments and focusing your criticism on the other person’s conduct, rather than their personality, is the key to having a healthy argument. It is inappropriate to demand that your spouse adjust their behavior in order to find a solution to the issue; instead, you should make suggestions on what they may do. It’s possible that paying attention and concentrating will seem odd at first, but giving it a shot is definitely something you should do.
You and your lover have decided not to give it a go.
If you responded “no” to the question that came before this one, I have some unfortunate information for you. A marriage is susceptible to an infinite number of problems. Life, to paraphrase Forrest Gump, is like a box of chocolates; you just don’t know what’s going to happen from day to day. It is true that if both parties in a relationship are prepared to commit time and effort, any problem that may exist inside the partnership may be resolved. Almost nothing cannot be altered or resolved; everything else is just a question of how much work one is willing to put in.
It is essential for a couple to work through problems together as a unit rather than allowing them to build up over time. Even worse, it’s possible that both parties have given up on the marriage, and all that’s left is a routine of cohabitating under the same roof. Both of a couple’s partners need to be on board with making their family healthier and happier in order for it to be successful.
You Can Only See the Negative Aspects.
There will come a point in everyone’s life when they question whether or not they have made the best decision possible by marrying “the one.” Because there are always more favorable things to ponder in a good relationship, it is simple to cope with these ideas and continue to focus on the positive aspects of the connection.
When a marriage is in trouble, everything goes in the other direction. The past, the present, and the future of a partnership are never seen in anything but shades of gray by the partners in the relationship. They are looking at their marriage through such a narrow lens that they are unable to see its many strengths.
This viewpoint can be adjusted, despite the fact that it cannot be taught. You have the ability to develop the abilities of thankfulness and appreciation inside yourself. Try to come up with two positives for every unfavorable facet of your relationship that you can. There are many great things in life that we overlook or take for granted; perhaps one of these things will motivate you to struggle for anything in the end.